I'm in trouble again.

The bills never stop, and I go without things I want or sometimes need to pay them off because I keep doing stupid things. The despair and panic are setting in again.

I seriously wondered what my parents would get if I killed myself. They could sell everything I own and get one Hell of a tidy sum, and they'd never have to worry about me again.

And then I wondered what Simon and my friends would do without me. Besides, I don't have anything to hang myself with. Plenty of trees, but nothing to hang myself with. I don't think extension cords would cut it.

I want to get another job, but I was told to wait until Wal-Mart made it to the area. But if this keeps up, that won't be an option. I am perfectly willing to work two jobs, even though I'd lose Social Security pay. But everywhere I look, I'm not sure where to find a job that's willing to work with me and find ways around my limitations in order to get the job done. I'm a hard worker, honest, and persistent on shift, but that's not enough for anyone these days. I would like to start my own business, but I can't even afford that. The jewelry I have out on consignment now isn't getting any lucre either.

What am I going to do?